


Painted Sunrise

by JetBlvckPhan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Adoption, Depression, F/M, M/M, Smoking, attempted suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-07
Updated: 2017-01-07
Packaged: 2018-09-15 14:35:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9239219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JetBlvckPhan/pseuds/JetBlvckPhan
Summary: Delilah has never had a real place in the world. No family, no friends, no hope. There's no one who could ever put her back together.-or-The one where Dan and Phil adopt a 16 year old and save her from committing suicide.





	

Cold; That's how the entire world feels. My body is heavy and numb. My fingers are just shards of ice attached to my bare arms. I have no control of my feet. They're just moving on their own, slushing through the snow in a slow steady pattern. 

My brain is numb to it all. It doesn't hear the ice cold wind, whistling past my ears, freezing my body. It doesn't feel the ice melting through my shoes, making my feet go numb. It's on an entirely different planet. A planet where there are no emotions to hurt me anymore. 

"Aye, Lilah! Long time no see." My brain is dragged back into reality. I realize I'm at the alley. I spent most of my middle school days here with my best friend at the time, Holly. It makes sense that my subconscious mind would take me here. I need something to help calm me down. 

"Yeah. Hi Holly." My brain is sluggish and it takes me a minute to realize she asks me what she can do for me. 

"Lilah you don't look so good. Here take this. Don't worry about paying I got you covered." I take the little box and thank her. The exchange is short. We haven't had a real conversation since high school started. I just show up every now and then to buy a new box of false hope. 

I walk around the cold streets of London, the events of today finally sinking in. She decided I wasn't worth it anymore. She realized that all I am is one giant problem. She saw me for what I truly am; a mistake. 

I light one of the cigarettes I just bought. I need to get out of my head a little bit.

What am I going to do now? She doesn't want me back. I can't live on my own. They'll come get me, but that entire system is horrid. It's caused me nightmares for years now. I can't go back but what other choice do I have? Oh god what other choice do I have? 

I puff on the cigarette trying to calm my heart. It doesn't want to slow down though. It just wants to speed up.

If I go back what will happen? I'll have to go back to that house, full of monsters that attack whenever I leave my room. A school full of snakes, just waiting to strike and end my life. An endless cycle with no escape. Even in sleep, memories of the past weave themselves around brain and try to suffocate me. I have to go back there now, to that world where hope died long ago. 

My heart takes off like a racing horse at the thought. My throat closes up and I drop to the ground, trying to get the thoughts out of my head. 

"Get away from me!" A 13 year old me screams. 

"You unappreciative brat!" Swat! Down comes the belt leaving another bruise across my back. 

"And you wonder why nobody wants to keep you. You're bloody lazy," Swat, "you go out and get high every day," Swat, "and that's all you'll ever do. You'll always be a no good drug addict. I try to help you, try to raise you into a helpful member of society, but you refuse! Instead you're a piece of trash who spends her days partying and wasting her life getting wasted! The world would be better off without you in it!" 

I lie in the corner crying long after she leaves. I wish she would just keep hitting me with that belt. It'll never sting as much as her words. She speaks the truth and that's what hurts the most. I'll never be anything in this world. 

The scene morphs then. I'm 9 years old at that old trailer. I had made my first B on a math test. 

"I thought you said you studied for that test!" 

"I-I did I was up all night studying. I don't understand what I did wrong." I sniffled, trying to hold back my tears. 

"Do not lie to me! If you had studied you would have gotten an A! Come here you little liar." She snatched up my tiny wrists, yanking me into the kitchen. 

"That hurts!" I squealed loudly. She let's go to show bruises already forming. 

"Good! That's what you get for lying to me! Now open your bloody little mouth." She grasped my face forcing me to open my mouth. 

I had tears streaming down my face, struggling to apologize over and over again. It wasn't enough though. The next thing I knew I had burning hot sauce running down my throat. 

"Next time you decide to lie to me you remember how this feels!" 

Everything begins to morph again, except this time instead of one specific memory it all blurs together into a cyclone of nightmarish events. 

"Worthless!" Kicked in the stomach, "never get adopted," made to run until I couldn't any more, "trash of society," locked in a cupboard. 

My past has become the monsters that haunt me every time I close my eyes. My present is sobbing on a sidewalk, lost in London, covered in snow. What could my future possibly hold? 

My entire life so far has been full of disappointment. I was born a mistake and given to the government. Everyone has always seen me for that. I've always been treated as the mistake that I am. The world knows I'm a mistake. I should rid the world of this mistake. 

I realize what my next move is in an instant. I should've gone there to begin with. With the last bit of motivation I have, I lift my stiff muscles and get up off of the ground. My legs feel like they've become made of Jello. I don't even take two steps before I'm back on the ground. 

I just lay there and sob. Is there even a point to trying? I should just lay here and wait for death to take me.  

"Hey. A-are you alright?" No, no why can't my mind stop playing tricks on me? Why, in my last moments, can't I just lay in sanity? 

"Go away. Go away. Go away..." I mumble to the vision. 

"Sweetheart it's ok, I'm here." I feel the impossible arms begin to pull me up. 

I want it to be real so badly. It's not though. My mother died 11 years ago. I can't let my mind trick me out of this. "Get off me. You're not real. You're not real." I struggle to stand up, trying not to look at what I know my brain is making up. "You're. Not. Real!" I yell and start to wobble my way away from them. 

"Hey it's ok. I'm here. I'm here baby. I won't leave you again." 

I take off towards the bridge still sobbing. I need to end these visions. I need to end everything.

"Oh god Vanessa just let her go!" 

"No George, she's our child! Please stop running! Your okay! Everything is going to be okay!" 

No nothing will ever be okay. It's never been okay. Why would that change? My mother will never run after me and tell me it's alright. No one will. No one will ever want me in this world at all! They all see that I'm just a mistake. That's all I ever have been and that's all I ever will be. 

I run even faster until I make it far away from what doesn't exist. Even though moments ago my legs were frozen and could barely move, they're free now. Now I just need to do what should've been done the moment I was born. The moment I was conceived even.

When I make it to the bridge I stop and catch my breath. I pull myself together and stop crying. I want to savor my last moments. I walk to the edge of the bridge and peer over. The river looks beautiful and peaceful. Every other time I've seen it, all I've seen is danger, but now I can see the beauty in it. The sharp rocks waiting to lull me to sleep, the icy currents that will make me forget. 

I step over the railing carefully, and clear my head. I get rid of all the nightmares, and all of the memories. I get rid of my fantasies of my mom. I only have room for one thought right now. My one purpose in life. 

Rid the world of its mistake. 

I look down, ignoring the passing cars behind me, and the foot steps of the people walking across the bridge. I close my eyes, and lift my foot to take a step, but I don't get very far. 

Two hands grab my waist from behind pulling me back over the ledge. 

"Nope. Not today. Everything's ok honey." I hear her voice whisper soothingly into my ear. How I wish to believe it. 

"For God's sake! Will you just leave me alone! I can't go back. I can't be an orphan anymore. I can't stand to be this mistake anymore. Please please just let me jump. You're not real anyways! You're just a wish I once had! A dream that won't ever come true! Why can't you just let me do what I'm supposed to do!" I'm back into panic mode, struggling from her grip and sobbing yet again. 

My complaints are weaker now though. All the strength I had moments ago has drained. My motivation has gone. My brain is grasping to the only bit of hope I have, no matter how unrealistic. 

"Shh. It's okay sweetheart. It's all going to be okay. You're not a mistake. I promise." I listen to the comforting things she whispers in my ear and let them calm me. I grasp onto her shirt and cry into her shoulder. 

I know I'm going to be disappointed later, but for now it's ok. That's my last thought before the world goes dark. 

-

"Phil what are we going to do? We can't keep her!" I look at the girl lying peacefully on our sofa. 

She's rather pretty. About 16, with short black hair. She looked so cold and afraid outside on the bridge. It makes me wonder what her story is. What made her want to jump off of that bridge? 

"I don't know Dan, but what was I supposed to do? Leave her there? I couldn't let her jump." I agree with him, but what will she do when she wakes up? It's not like we can do much to stop her from trying again. 

"I don't know Phil. I'm just worried. Maybe we should try to find her parents? They might have some kind of missing child's report or something." 

"I think she's an orphan Dan. She said something about it when I pulled her off the ledge. I don't know Dan but she seems to be pretty broken, and I can't let her break. She might grow to appreciate it one day." He gives me a knowing look. 

"I know Phil. I'm glad you don't let people break. I just don't even know where to begin." I didn't even know how to fix myself. I needed Phil for that.

"I don't think anyone really knows how to fix a person. You just have to be there for them Dan. We have to be there for her. She needs someone." 

He's right. I look back at the peaceful sleeping girl. She needs a person just like I did once upon a time. Someone to find all of her pieces, and tie them back together.


End file.
